epiphany

it finally dawned on me
the answer


and, like watching a film in reverse, it
made sense before
it ever happened...


and after it all
happened


we met... and we knew
(each other)


it couldn't work...
there was a reason
(there had to be)


but then you asked
and i answered


and we were
truly
(godammit)
tried to be


flying (we became a comet)


elated~


the taste - we had
both promised
this would happen...
and we did


      deja vu
                               echoing
lives past


words words words
countless strings of seaweed
in our sea - i resent them
every day


games and twisted
tongues and lies
i hate them all


before words
we were


perfect


and we still are


and I hum in my
silence, my eyes
shining, a million
broken hearts


were my own


i mourned for
every lost
possibility of us
and now
              looking back


i see

the seeker

feeling my way in the dark

not afraid but 

...apprehensive 

senses heightened 

hyper 

aware

i feel a heartbeat

i hear tormented screams 

from behind doors

far away

yet feel safe somehow

as long as 

i follow 

the drum of the heart

we are all made of stars

cosmic dust whirling 

pulsing with life

i love sensing 

chemical reactions

i smell sweat and

the heat is tangible

running my fingers along the walls

i realize they are alive and breathing

oh.. i giggle to myself and feel my surroundings tremble in reply

it seems i've fallen down another rabbit hole

fuego

i was never able to resist

playing with fire

staring so deep

investigating oranges, yellows and blues

deeper and deeper

until you feel a disturbance in your whole field of view

you see back through time... 

how fire kept man alive

something that commands respect

while it can warm you 

it's relieving to know 

i have no control

tie me up

throw me in

watch me burn

my sharona: a haiku

~*~*~*~


true quantum physics

she wrote the song before birth

so glad she's my first




~*~*~*~

Arrival - an original

Just around that corner

There is a magical bend

The light fragments

And a prism frays in unending splendor

Just over the horizon

A leprechaun child giggles

As he runs his fingers through the rainbow

And it tickles between his toes

Just before you looked back

A muse whispered in your ear

Threw faerie dust over your shoulder

And spoke an incantation

Just as you were created

The universe erupted in expectation

Knowing existence itself changed forever

I wonder what this divine light will look like

through the filter of a human body?

Ah yes—it was spoken

And the higher and lower earth have been waiting

The glory of this lifetime

Waiting for the first chance

To praise you for taking the dive

an original poem

I felt a warm ocean breeze and

A hammock called out to me

It breathed the oceans melody

Tickled my neck as it beckoned me

I couldn't resist

The smell so loud

And the sound so delicious

As I approached

Ready to lay

And shift and absorb

And give this hammock form

I saw something

Upon each fiber

And it frightened me

The hammock was created

Entirely of time

Each particle and each string

Each knot and every twist

There was never a question

Before this beautiful life

Whether I would take this ride

exhale (an original)

I feel my heart where my head used to be

My eyes are so full of caring I dare not blink

I can’t speak for fear of overflowing

Like I’m carrying a full jug of saltwater

Attached to every feeling I’ve ever felt

All of this love makes it hard to shuffle paper

All of this sentience permeating my skeleton like a dry washcloth

Dropped into a well

Holding my breath until at last the tears subside

And the feelings flush from within me – like a storm

Receding just before the dam bursts

Please let this inner cleansing happen soon

Denying my humanity is so much easier when not being forced to reckon with my body

Oh the human condition

So frustrating when I consider

The divine blanket of the cosmos

I want to wrap myself in love

Relax

And drift away

how do I get there?

A recent tool I have been using in my thought life is talking to future me. Me five years from now. She's smart, fit, funny-- has a twinkle in her eye and a genuine smile on her face. This girl knows things. She knows more about me than I do and she is damn good at doing what she does. She knows how to make things happen.


She's not going to let me cheat though.... she'll show me the last few things she's done and I'm really impressed. But between here and there is a turning point. A huge "Aha!" moment... the funny thing is, she keeps assuring me I know what it is...


Do you ever get the feeling you are standing in the way of your destiny? How do you plan to stop?

I saw her.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

4:43 PM - i saw her
Current mood: nostalgic

(this poem is inspired by a woman who came into see me, her husband had been approved for benefits, but he had died two weeks ago... when i called her... his voice still greeted me on the answering machine... she was not ready to let him go)

i saw her
a young Italian girl
dancing with her uncles
and cousins and brothers
spinning to the sound of the accordion
and laughter and Italian country songs
she loved to dance
in her flowing skirts
because of how the wind felt
against her legs
and how the music
made her feel
like a flower in the wind

i saw her
her olive green eyes shining
as the sunset hit them from afar
they reflected her soul
to him, her love, just weeks ago,

he understood her, and he loved her well,
and when they danced, she felt like the wind...
harnessed by a sail, destined for distant wonders

i saw her,
those eyes had smiled a thousand times (if once),
but now, years later, they wrinkled at the edges,
a souvenir of a thousand memories with her lost love.

and as she sat.. i saw her dance... through her feet.
she still wore heels, though now, years later,
her feet were crooked,
they had been in thousands of beautiful shoes,
and though she would end up barefoot,
her bent toes showed the torture they had endured,
but of course, they were still painted red

and when she smiled,
she said her name was "An-nah",

and when she looked me in the eye,
i saw this, all of it,
this beautiful Italian girl... her eyes told me of her sadness,
now a face she didn't recognize in the mirror..

but i saw her.

mystified

the answer
mystery fuels our knowledge
curiosity still kills the cat
what time teaches to every soul
there are no substitutes for that

what math reveals in nature
and what science says of God
these encoded clues keep coming
like a pea grows in its pod

the search provides the answer
the crypt unlocks its doors
and behind the gates of death
you will find no fires or floors

my soul can see the answers
my body doubts in vain
the search for what life teaches
brings joy and removes pain