Thursday, January 31, 2008

oh... read the other one first

this is the resolution to the blog below so you may want to read it first:

i woke up still feeling absolutely F*cking HORRIBLE. The dead pig hand grenade within had not budged one millimeter.. so I did another Salt Water Flush and felt AMAZING afterward.

a poo-centered existence


Okay, so I quit Master Cleansing on Day 4... which is to say... I did the Salt Water Flush... (more butt-pee-- that oddly resembled lemonade-- which made me think of all the hilarious but horrible things I could do to people I hate.... hee hee... "delicious filtered lemonade") so... me being retarded... I pooed my pants on day three.. wasn't sure if I ACTUALLY pooed my pants... so i smeared it on my face which CONFIRMED my suspicions... at least I was at home while I was TWENTY-SIX YEARS OLD AND SHITTING MY PANTS! and smearing it on my face!!!!! WTF?!?! I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for that one. I figure if I post it on my public blog it will somehow help. Megan? Sharona? Crystal? What say you?

I got really weak and a really bad headache and ate a salad as my act of surrendering to my body... the headache left immediately. I went to sleep happy and skinny. That was day four. Holy Crap... then day 5 ... I woke up and Salt Water Flushed.. ate one small biscuit ... I wasn't able to eat much at all. Then I made my world famous sausage and ground beef spaghetti since Peter was having major cravings. I ate one helping and woke up at 11 pm praying that my intestines weren't rupturing. The upper part of my stomach acted as if I drank a fifth of (INSERT CHEAP TEQUILA HERE) and immediately sent me running for the bathroom. Nothing happened other than insane nausea, sweating, and swollen face. My dinner would NOT go down my tummy. It was just sitting there like a freaking hand grenade of sausage spaghetti waiting to blow me to smithereens. Now, the really odd part about all of this is how NON-poo-centered this whole feeling was. It felt like my stomach had gotten really really really small.... then I ruptured it with my dead pig dinner.... then it tried to digest it... think of a snake swallowing a wooden chair... and then about five hours post eating my body was like... "that's it you stupid bitch.. get the dead pig OUTTA HERE!" so that would explain the near-puking reverse-swallowing feeling... but I have pretty much the most stubborn gag reflex of anyone I have EVER come across and I can't vomit or induce vomiting to save my life (literally). So I somehow slept through the night and was very surprised that I didn't wake up dead. Now, I can barely eat ANYTHING... I mean ANYTHING... and I'm vegetarian for the most part... I don't know if I will ever eat red meat again. My poor body and butthole hate me!!

I think I'm about 147-150 right now.... I'm not going to weigh myself until I feel even thinner since I just don't want to be obsessed with numbers, but I'm aiming for 135 lbs. for my wedding... I'm eating REALLY healthy.... bananas, salad, Naked Superfood drinks... and very small portions. So that's the update. COMMENT... I want to know what you think and/or would you ever try this??!?!?!?!

Friday, January 25, 2008


Day Three 12:22 pm

Day Three! Not much to say. I worked out lifting weights for an hour, and I definitely feel thinner. I didn't want to post my journal until I had made it to Day Three aka The infamous day three when everyone quits. Well, it ain't gonna happen, and now that I've posted my journal, failure is even less of an option. I did my SWF at like 10:30 so I'm still pooping. One moment please. Yeah so my poo is looking more and more like the lemonade I drink all day, and less and less like poo. I hear I will be shitting alien space babies by day eight, so, uh, I'll keep you informed. Over and out. I was hoping for a nap, but I don't think I'm going to get one today. That sucks because my body is actually pretty tired from working out. Oh well. DAMMIT... i have to poop AGAIN. That's twice in five minutes if anyone wants to know.

1-24-08 Day Two - Master Cleanse

Today I feel GREAT in comparison to yesterday! My body has finally realized it IS my slave and has succumbed quite nicely. I woke up at 6:15 am to do the SWF and I still think, although completely disgusting, drinking 32 ounces of saltwater is over in about 4 minutes, which is nothing. In comparison with the ten day fast, four minutes is simple. I went to the gym today which made all the difference in the world. The workout was WAY more strenuous than usual, and I had a ton of energy. I was ridiculously thrirsty, but I was sweating profusely so I'm sure that's normal. Oh, I forgot to mention the SWF feels and sounds like your peeing through your anus... though it certainly doesn't smell that way. I weighed myself today, and since the Friday before school (I weighed in at 162.5 lbs), I have lost 7.5 lbs... putting me at 155 lbs today! I have to keep in ming, I changed my eating habits as soon as school started, eating dinner around 4 pm and nothing after that. Oh my god, the smell of Elek's Cinnamon Raisin toast with Brummel & Brown Yogurt Butter was enough to make my mouth water.

Outside the joy of chewing something, I still haven't been hungry. I'm pretty surprised that I haven't been hungry, considering it's almost 7 pm. People have lost up to 20 lbs in 10 days, which is disgusting, old, toxic fecal matter that is coating their intestines along with some water weight. Leia said that only one percent of her weight loss was water so I'm really hoping the SWF pushes some really old toxins out of my intestines/system. I also read online that 10 days is the optimal length for your first time doing the Master Cleanse. I am sitting in class, and it is hard to imagine that next week at this time I will still be fasting. I took a nap during Elek's nap time today which felt awesome after the workout. I feel like the mucus has finally significantly decreased. I will be interested to see if this weekend is easier or more difficult than during the week. I'm still taking the antibiotics for the ear infection and the pressure in my ears has greatly decreased. I slept with Peter last night(opposed to the four previous nights) and didn't disturb him at all. The lemonade is really not yummy, but as long as I keep my mind off food everything is great!

"failure is not an option."
"food will still be here in 8 days."
"my body is my slave"
"what can taste better than how great I will feel after this?"

Day One 7:10 pm

Okay, my body totally took me hostage for about 3 hours. Immediately after I stopped writing the previous journal entry, I packed my things and prepared for class to end. The pain in my ear was completely in control of me, and I decided to go to the Student Health Center instead of my next class. I felt feverish and generally sick all over and waited in the waiting room for an hour and even took a short nap. I got a Z-pack after finding out my right ear is severely infected and my left ear is pretty bad, but not in comparison with my right. I went to the pharmacy and took both pills as soon as possible. I feel SO much better. I can actually LISTEN now, whereas before, I was in such acute pain I was seriously considering going home, calling Peter, taking a Darvocet (narcotic painkiller) and passing out. I am very proud of myself because quitting Master Cleanse is not an option. Many people have quit the Master Cleanse because of a sore throat or antibiotics, but I believe my mind is so addicted to sweets & caffeine and having what it wants when it wants, that it allowed the ear infection to flare up in the hopes that I will give in. Well, I haven't been hungry at all, and every time I feel a hunger pang or any sense of emptiness I take a big swig of the lemonade - which is increasingly spicy and gross. My mind/emotions are not taking to this Cleanse very kindly and I expect it will be a couple of days before acceptance takes hold.

"Failure is not an option."

I am very proud of myself for leaving my food addiction at the door today, and I won't let ANYTHING get in the way of this detoxification process.

1-23-08 Day One of Master Cleanse 1pm

I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and due to the coughing I kicked myself out of my bed and went to the office to sleep. I woke up around 2:30 with a horrible sinus headache and tried to sleep and tossed and turned until 4 am. I decided to go ahead and do a sinus rinse, even though you aren't supposed to before bed. I was having serious pressure in my eardrums while doing the sinus rinse, and the box said to stop doing the sinus rinses immediately if there was any pressure/pain in the ears. I was a little apprehensive, but due to the severe sinus pressure, I thought the sinus rinse necessary. Since I was up, I did the SWF (Salt Water Flush), which kicked in around 5... it was like someone to a toilet plunger to my ass with a gallon of water. Honestly, the quart of lukewarm sea salt-water was not as bad as I had read online. As of now, I'm not hungry, but my right ear is severely aching. I think this is trying to divert my body from it's cleansing goal. I took an antibiotic, out of fear of infection of the pain getting much worse. I think it MAY be starting to work.

1-22-08 - Thoughts before beginning Master Cleanse

Today was one of those days where IF I could have stayed in bed until noon, I would have. It was cold, rainy, and dark until at least 10 am. All night long I kept waking up with a dry mouth, swollen tongue, and that disgusting sick taste in my mouth. I had been kicked out of the bed for coughing all night (with good reason). When I took a sip of water, I could barely taste it due to the dry, swollen tongue, which somewhat came back to life when the water touched it. I've been sick since last Tuesday, which is a full week of mouth-breathing. The amount of mucus in my throat and face (sinuses) is just grotesque. I've been doing a sinus rinse since Sunday night, which has been alleviating my symptoms a bit, but the cold itself is still in my head, and I can't breathe clearly through my nose or kiss Peter without thinking how sick I must taste/smell. I just started my cycle so I'll keep record of any cramping or back pain.

So I woke up around 7, did a sinus rinse, and ate 1 1/2 mini bagels (a total of 150 calories). I got to the gym at 9 and did chest/abs and then stayed for yoga class until 10:15 am. On the way home I stopped at Chick-fil-A and got a 4pc Chicken Nugget Kids Meal for Elek and cookies-n-Cream Milkshake w/whipped cream & a cherry for me. I ate every bite and felt like a horrible piece of weak blob after finishing it.

I knew I had... or I should say.... I KNOW I HAVE given food too much control, and I am on a quest to regain control of my body and eating habits. I desperately need a physical & spiritual cleansing, and Leia (the yoga teacher) has lost 25 lbs. since last June by becoming a vegetarian and using the Master Cleanse as a detoxification fast. Other than that, I have no idea her personal dealings or constraints as far as Master Cleanse is concerned. Her skin looks great and she looks completely refreshed and glowing. I think I will e-mail her for pointers and/or support. I'm pretty sure I weigh about 160 lbs. right now, which is "normal" as far as BMI is concerned (the Body Mass Index for a female that's 5'7"), but the fact remains that I feel this addictive streak is incredibly destructive, and I need to get to the bottom of this issue and get a fresh, clean start. I want to do this until my tongue is pink again (a sign that I am cleansed thoroughly), but I can't promise more than 10 days. I am tired of thinking of myself as a weak food addict when I really want to treat my body as the beautiful temple that it truly is.

Mantras going into Master Cleanse:
"Failure is not an option."
"My body is my slave."

Things I hope to gain from Master Cleanse:
-I hope to rid my body of sickness, toxins, and meat.
-I hope to rid my body of addiction to sugar, caffeine, and meat.
-I hope to gain insight into WHY I find some of my self0worth in what I have eaten.
-I want to see what a CLEANSED me looks and feels like spiritually, mentally, and physically.

ALSO, I anticipate feeling amazing and proud of myself after having succeeded at cleansing my body.