a song

i see a light ... split a thousand 

         different ways

a child who bows his 

    head when he prays ...

taking everything for

        granted

we forget what we didn't have

until one wanders off

to find themselves...

and here we are alone

take me back

to my simple faith

may i never leave

    again

~~inspired by the ocean~~

like hermit crabs seek
shells in which to be themselves
travelers must go

unknown

i was a butterfly once

fragile but so strong, i knew how to dance

i had sewn my eyes shut so i couldn't see what i should ever be afraid of

couldn't fathom or anticipate my demise



without sight i could only feel joy

only smell life, only taste love

then someone whispered we are all decaying

all thriving in our moments but trading our fiery essence

we are burning into the night and into each day


how peculiar this made things


and then i knew the ripe smell of life was only because death approached

and the taste of love so beautiful because it was tinged with tears of mourning

the sensation of joy was outlined by vast emptiness that exaggerated pure happiness


i mourn for my innocence

give up myself

to the river of dreams

drift softly into the current

and weep for my chrysalis

Sustenance

I died that day

When I didn’t think I could make it

I shifted gently from under my skin

And felt the relief of a cool stream on a hot day

Of a shady spot in the desert

Of a friend after years of loneliness

An embrace in a sea of inanimate objects

When they say the goal of life is “to die before you die”

I never knew what it meant

Until the one who promised me

To keep me away from siege

To hold off storms

Disappeared

When you are a metaphor - an original

When you're a metaphor

Toy with the suggestion
The mere idea
Of what could be

The realm of possibility
Is endless
Breathe in and feel the magic

There is only so much
Future and memory
That can exist in this moment

Before it becomes hope
And delusion
Sad and contrived

My life exists in seasons
And fall is my own

When the garden can no longer be my home
Then thorns and briars remind me
What is real

A gentle guide that traces my path in the extreme boundaries of sensation

When flying and fighting
Are a gauge for living and breathing

Meet me at the edge

epiphany

it finally dawned on me
the answer


and, like watching a film in reverse, it
made sense before
it ever happened...


and after it all
happened


we met... and we knew
(each other)


it couldn't work...
there was a reason
(there had to be)


but then you asked
and i answered


and we were
truly
(godammit)
tried to be


flying (we became a comet)


elated~


the taste - we had
both promised
this would happen...
and we did


      deja vu
                               echoing
lives past


words words words
countless strings of seaweed
in our sea - i resent them
every day


games and twisted
tongues and lies
i hate them all


before words
we were


perfect


and we still are


and I hum in my
silence, my eyes
shining, a million
broken hearts


were my own


i mourned for
every lost
possibility of us
and now
              looking back


i see

the seeker

feeling my way in the dark

not afraid but 

...apprehensive 

senses heightened 

hyper 

aware

i feel a heartbeat

i hear tormented screams 

from behind doors

far away

yet feel safe somehow

as long as 

i follow 

the drum of the heart

we are all made of stars

cosmic dust whirling 

pulsing with life

i love sensing 

chemical reactions

i smell sweat and

the heat is tangible

running my fingers along the walls

i realize they are alive and breathing

oh.. i giggle to myself and feel my surroundings tremble in reply

it seems i've fallen down another rabbit hole

fuego

i was never able to resist

playing with fire

staring so deep

investigating oranges, yellows and blues

deeper and deeper

until you feel a disturbance in your whole field of view

you see back through time... 

how fire kept man alive

something that commands respect

while it can warm you 

it's relieving to know 

i have no control

tie me up

throw me in

watch me burn

my sharona: a haiku

~*~*~*~


true quantum physics

she wrote the song before birth

so glad she's my first




~*~*~*~

Arrival - an original

Just around that corner

There is a magical bend

The light fragments

And a prism frays in unending splendor

Just over the horizon

A leprechaun child giggles

As he runs his fingers through the rainbow

And it tickles between his toes

Just before you looked back

A muse whispered in your ear

Threw faerie dust over your shoulder

And spoke an incantation

Just as you were created

The universe erupted in expectation

Knowing existence itself changed forever

I wonder what this divine light will look like

through the filter of a human body?

Ah yes—it was spoken

And the higher and lower earth have been waiting

The glory of this lifetime

Waiting for the first chance

To praise you for taking the dive

an original poem

I felt a warm ocean breeze and

A hammock called out to me

It breathed the oceans melody

Tickled my neck as it beckoned me

I couldn't resist

The smell so loud

And the sound so delicious

As I approached

Ready to lay

And shift and absorb

And give this hammock form

I saw something

Upon each fiber

And it frightened me

The hammock was created

Entirely of time

Each particle and each string

Each knot and every twist

There was never a question

Before this beautiful life

Whether I would take this ride

exhale (an original)

I feel my heart where my head used to be

My eyes are so full of caring I dare not blink

I can’t speak for fear of overflowing

Like I’m carrying a full jug of saltwater

Attached to every feeling I’ve ever felt

All of this love makes it hard to shuffle paper

All of this sentience permeating my skeleton like a dry washcloth

Dropped into a well

Holding my breath until at last the tears subside

And the feelings flush from within me – like a storm

Receding just before the dam bursts

Please let this inner cleansing happen soon

Denying my humanity is so much easier when not being forced to reckon with my body

Oh the human condition

So frustrating when I consider

The divine blanket of the cosmos

I want to wrap myself in love

Relax

And drift away

all hope is not lost

some people remind you
we are all souls

some people remind you
age is just a number

some people remind you
we are never all alone

some people remind you
you're not the only one who thinks society is fucked up

some people remind you
how valuable a genuine smile is

some people remind you
the greatest things in life aren't things

some people remind you
that not everyone is a zombie

and you remind me
of all these things

I saw her.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

4:43 PM - i saw her
Current mood: nostalgic

(this poem is inspired by a woman who came into see me, her husband had been approved for benefits, but he had died two weeks ago... when i called her... his voice still greeted me on the answering machine... she was not ready to let him go)

i saw her
a young Italian girl
dancing with her uncles
and cousins and brothers
spinning to the sound of the accordion
and laughter and Italian country songs
she loved to dance
in her flowing skirts
because of how the wind felt
against her legs
and how the music
made her feel
like a flower in the wind

i saw her
her olive green eyes shining
as the sunset hit them from afar
they reflected her soul
to him, her love, just weeks ago,

he understood her, and he loved her well,
and when they danced, she felt like the wind...
harnessed by a sail, destined for distant wonders

i saw her,
those eyes had smiled a thousand times (if once),
but now, years later, they wrinkled at the edges,
a souvenir of a thousand memories with her lost love.

and as she sat.. i saw her dance... through her feet.
she still wore heels, though now, years later,
her feet were crooked,
they had been in thousands of beautiful shoes,
and though she would end up barefoot,
her bent toes showed the torture they had endured,
but of course, they were still painted red

and when she smiled,
she said her name was "An-nah",

and when she looked me in the eye,
i saw this, all of it,
this beautiful Italian girl... her eyes told me of her sadness,
now a face she didn't recognize in the mirror..

but i saw her.

mystified

the answer
mystery fuels our knowledge
curiosity still kills the cat
what time teaches to every soul
there are no substitutes for that

what math reveals in nature
and what science says of God
these encoded clues keep coming
like a pea grows in its pod

the search provides the answer
the crypt unlocks its doors
and behind the gates of death
you will find no fires or floors

my soul can see the answers
my body doubts in vain
the search for what life teaches
brings joy and removes pain

workaholic hostage

for Amber
(aren't we all in hostage situations?)

i print off letters-
switching names and numbers,
saying all the same things.

in my stomach there's a flutter;
could it be? i start to stutter (talking to a client)
distracted by the sound of my own voice

i don't want to wrap myself
in blankets of words
a shield from all

the harsh reality that is
the emotional weather at hand
"the forecast for today"-

slightly neurotic, 85% chance of road rage,
10% chance of tears, with scattered laughter..

I'll think i need a cigarette at some point (need is so weird).
no one knows.. the weatherman never does

i must get out of this building
look for myself

AND

while i'm at it,

i'll look for my SELF

...i must be around here somewhere ...