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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Big Easy

Drove in from New Orleans last night... it inspires every facet of artist within... and it doesn't seem to be just me.

art in every form explodes from the heart of the city.

as my love for the Big Easy has evolved, I much prefer the Quarter in the morning.. it is ethereal and reminds me of all the different versions of myself that have seen New Orleans and all the different myselfs that New Orleans has seen.

The ephemeral experience that New Orleans embodies consistently reminds me that a moment can last an eternity and an eternity can exist in a moment

To a Reader

by Robert Hass

I've watched memory wound you.
I felt nothing but envy.
Having slept in wet meadows,
I was not through desiring.
Imagine January and the beach,
a bleached sky, gulls, And
look seaward: what is not there
is there, isn't it, the huge
bird of the first light
arched above first waters
beyond our touching or intention
or the reasonable shore.

--

Samuel Goldwyn - "Include me out."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Depends.

Peter bought a crate full of Pampers from Sam's Club (which I will forever say that I hate but still buy their diapers - so. much. cheaper.) So Peter puts them all up, and we literally had diapers coming out of our EARS.

And I neglect to put any in the diaper bag and drive to East Memphrica for my yearly physical with Kito (Elekito), and OF COURSE he immediately takes a fat dump as soon as we pass through the doors and he thinks, "hmm.... mama is retarded.... i bet she doesn't have *grunt* any *grunt* diapers" *grunt followed by caustic stench*

And the doctor has to do the whole physical with stink-butt right in his face until he can't possibly take it one more second and finally says, "Um, what's the deal? You don't have a diaper?" Translate: How can you possibly ignore this mind-blowing smell that you have subjected me to against my will? I will force you to make it go away. You sick f*ck.

So I literally had no choice but to TAPE a diaper made for an 85-year-old onto my child's tiny yet filthy ass. Oh, the shame. Elek wrapped in medical tape and Depends.
I couldn't stop shaking my head and Elek was waddling like a pregnant woman (he is FAR PAST the waddling stage) and so I shake my head and say "Indeed." to which Elek replies:

"In-doo-doo-bedeeeee"

Indubitably.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

pay-shents

So, I'm sitting at home now. I just plowed through a list of twenty things I have to do in about 45 minutes. This makes me wonder why the hell I procrastinate. That stuff has been weighing on me for quite some time, and now it's all done. Anyway, I am currently in limbo... between school and a job... and it should be an amazing feeling. In fact, most of the time it IS an amazing feeling. I love being with Elek all day... but by about 6:30 at night I've had it and I'm ready to call a sitter. To which Peter says: "It's an hour and half til his bedtime" and I reply "he'll be cute again in the morning, I just can't handle such overwhelmingly large doses of toddler with no breaks".

I don't envy stay at home moms.... I commend them. I place some weird value on making money, while these women stand by supporting their family, cooking, cleaning, and just all around BEING THERE with nothing but emotional compensation. On one hand I can't wait to have a job, and on the other, I know I will cry my eyes out the first few days Elek is in daycare. Oh.... life's lessons just keep getting harder. As I get older and, thank Universe, more mature... I realize balance is EVERYTHING. Limits and routines keep us all sane... toddlers, adults, and elderly alike. When I was younger I always wanted to get in the car and just "drive til we ran out of gas"... but now, I see... that would be fun for a week... maybe two.... but the necessity of routine... be it in one town or a nomadic lifestyle... is still necessary.

OH and interesting stories:

My child is the Cat Whisperer. Peter's mom, Gran, has been out of town since last Friday. She has two cats, Stan and Henry, for whom we are responsible while she's gone.... yeah I locked Stan out on the back screened porch overnight on Tuesday. Elek and I show up on Wednesday morning and Stan is wailing like a banshee. Then Elek started meowing, "Help! Help!" and I did a double-take and asked Elek, "Is that what Stan is saying?" .... and Elek kept meowing "Help!" I wish I had video.... so anyway... yes, our child is telepathic.

Second, Stan peed all over the porch and I had to break Gran's screen door after I locked myself out. Oh, the joys of being a delinquent daughter-in-law! She still likes me somehow.... I made fajitas last night and put drugs in her guacamole. Sneaky, sneaky!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

sick in the head.

So, I just got through mopping the whole moppable area of the house... that being eat-in kitchen and the tiled kitchen cooking area. After I swept up all the disgusting nastiness of the past month, I started mopping with the Citrus swiffer scrubby things and that gave way to thinking of all the barefoot stink juices that have soaked into the floor... then I started Swiffer scrubbing like a madwoman and now I feel like I'm going to pass out and/or throw up. In case I die of Swiffer fumes, this blog is a sort of explanation of what happened. *gag*

edumacation

Ah, yes, rub your eyes again. Pinch yourself for good measure. At last, I have returned to the Blogger's Realm of Bloggerific Super-humans. The occasion, you ask? A freaking Bachelor's Degree. Nine years in the making. It better taste good. I don't know if I want to eat it, wipe my ass with it, or bury it like a bone and dig it up later. Anyway.... I'm delirious....I turned in a 15 page paper last Thursday, so this is all proving to be quite surreal and definitely hasn't hit me yet.

Elek will be TWO on October 6!!! He is growling like a jaguar (not to mention reaching, climbing, and jumping like a jaguar), and barking like a dog, and doing all sorts of funny animal things. The other day he was actually slithering on my bedroom floor. Okay, so it was more of a military crawl.... but I haven't seen anything remotely resembling that since he was forced to military crawl as his sole form of self-propelled transportation. He runs everywhere... and he somehow sat through my year-long (read: almost two hours) graduation ceremony with hardly a peep (lol.... totally lying). Okay..... he didn't cry. He did, however, growl like a jaguar, "mrow, mROWWWW!" at all other threatening forms of small human being. Like his mother, the boy doesn't like to share the spotlight. *sigh*

Elek is on YouTube... click the pic below:


So, yes, he is the light of my life and he loves his blanket :) How have ya'll been?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

why i love her

From: Diana
To: Jessica
Subject: call me

call me now. i know you aren't in leprechaun-land anymore.

i will actually shit a gold coin if i don't talk to you before the wedding

as tempting as that must be, call me anyway :)

love you

-------
From: Jessica
To: Diana

I've no privacy right now,
but I'll try to borrow my parents' cell phone sometime tomorrow...
in the meantime it's great you've learned a way to make some extra money!

Friday, February 22, 2008

breath of fresh air

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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it~

Rudyard Kipling

Thursday, February 14, 2008

curses

so my mom brought me a box of thin mints. beautiful perfect girl scout cookies. i swear i can not open this box or i will end up in a crumpled heap on the floor with a shredded box, torn cellophane, and minty crumbs everywhere wondering what the hell just happened. (i suppose this could be explained by saying that one of my personalities is a severely deprived blue Sesame Street monster that's not named Grover.) i refuse punctuation today. you are not the boss of me.


amantes






your face is on my pillow
your mind is what i am trying to achieve
deep and soulful contact.
I see your body,
delicate warmth
yet it burns with fire and desire.
my own is craving the night
battling time and wishing
for you to be close.


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Tu eres mi mente
Abierta y Honda
Despierta y en muchas formas
resembla el mar
en blanco y negro
de noche y de dia.
Tus holas caminan lentamente
por mi cuerpo
colores del piano ondulado
del mar .
Como te va mi amigo?
Delito de la noche
caminante de suenos calmantes
veo Soles en tu mundo
llamas altas y cresidas
memorias de una larga noche.

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Today,

Adri (a dear friend of mine)

my breath reeks of rosemary: a poem

sick again. and this is not really a poem. that opening sentence just sounded slightly poetic. anyway. yes, yes my breath reeks of rosemary. and DAMN. i disgust myself. ugh. at least I can smell it (meaning my nose isn't stuffed up to hell)?

the cup is half full.

Friday, February 8, 2008

see it



Never believe anyone who says we cannot change. Vision is one of the secrets of personal transformation. We are all artists, our mind is the arena of creation and vision is what we are constantly creating.

What is your vision of yourself today - patient, relaxed, positive or tense, tight and negative? What do you prefer? So be creative – what does patience look like, feel like, what are you doing that is different when you are patient and you are expressing your power to ...wait?

Always start with vision not action.
See it and you will be it.
Be it and you will do it.

~ Brahma Kumaris

all hope is not lost

some people remind you
we are all souls

some people remind you
age is just a number

some people remind you
we are never all alone

some people remind you
you're not the only one who thinks society is fucked up

some people remind you
how valuable a genuine smile is

some people remind you
the greatest things in life aren't things

some people remind you
that not everyone is a zombie

and you remind me
of all these things

breathe in and feel the magic

you are so alive for every moment that is now

you are that smile

that energy...

you are the difference between firewood and a huge oak tree

you are the difference between a vase of roses and a field of wildflowers

you are alive
 

and you inspired me to write every word of this

you are very busy, dear one, even if you are still

because you are breaking hearts open and causing them to feel

and you are breaking minds open with your determination

and you are transcending every limit by existing in all of us


you may never understand how you glow

and that's okay

i send you my love, light, and the warmest of hugs


-i have written this for you, but this message is brought to you by the divine wisdom and knowledge that passes through each of us... this definitely applies to my mother... and to so many of you. i encourage all of you to break free of your bodies, lose your fear of death, and dare to truly love and in doing so, change the world.

i have dreamt several times of a sunset, much like the one below, and i know that death is a journey beyond the horizon of the sea. as we are further and further from the shore of this lifetime, we approach the limitless bounds of the universe (the ocean). take comfort in the fact that loved ones have made the voyage before you...