Tuesday, December 30, 2008
art in every form explodes from the heart of the city.
as my love for the Big Easy has evolved, I much prefer the Quarter in the morning.. it is ethereal and reminds me of all the different versions of myself that have seen New Orleans and all the different myselfs that New Orleans has seen.
The ephemeral experience that New Orleans embodies consistently reminds me that a moment can last an eternity and an eternity can exist in a moment
To a Reader
by Robert Hass
I've watched memory wound you.
I felt nothing but envy.
Having slept in wet meadows,
I was not through desiring.
Imagine January and the beach,
a bleached sky, gulls, And
look seaward: what is not there
is there, isn't it, the huge
bird of the first light
arched above first waters
beyond our touching or intention
or the reasonable shore.
Samuel Goldwyn - "Include me out."
Thursday, September 11, 2008
And I neglect to put any in the diaper bag and drive to East Memphrica for my yearly physical with Kito (Elekito), and OF COURSE he immediately takes a fat dump as soon as we pass through the doors and he thinks, "hmm.... mama is retarded.... i bet she doesn't have *grunt* any *grunt* diapers" *grunt followed by caustic stench*
And the doctor has to do the whole physical with stink-butt right in his face until he can't possibly take it one more second and finally says, "Um, what's the deal? You don't have a diaper?" Translate: How can you possibly ignore this mind-blowing smell that you have subjected me to against my will? I will force you to make it go away. You sick f*ck.
So I literally had no choice but to TAPE a diaper made for an 85-year-old onto my child's tiny yet filthy ass. Oh, the shame. Elek wrapped in medical tape and Depends.
I couldn't stop shaking my head and Elek was waddling like a pregnant woman (he is FAR PAST the waddling stage) and so I shake my head and say "Indeed." to which Elek replies:
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I don't envy stay at home moms.... I commend them. I place some weird value on making money, while these women stand by supporting their family, cooking, cleaning, and just all around BEING THERE with nothing but emotional compensation. On one hand I can't wait to have a job, and on the other, I know I will cry my eyes out the first few days Elek is in daycare. Oh.... life's lessons just keep getting harder. As I get older and, thank Universe, more mature... I realize balance is EVERYTHING. Limits and routines keep us all sane... toddlers, adults, and elderly alike. When I was younger I always wanted to get in the car and just "drive til we ran out of gas"... but now, I see... that would be fun for a week... maybe two.... but the necessity of routine... be it in one town or a nomadic lifestyle... is still necessary.
OH and interesting stories:
My child is the Cat Whisperer. Peter's mom, Gran, has been out of town since last Friday. She has two cats, Stan and Henry, for whom we are responsible while she's gone.... yeah I locked Stan out on the back screened porch overnight on Tuesday. Elek and I show up on Wednesday morning and Stan is wailing like a banshee. Then Elek started meowing, "Help! Help!" and I did a double-take and asked Elek, "Is that what Stan is saying?" .... and Elek kept meowing "Help!" I wish I had video.... so anyway... yes, our child is telepathic.
Second, Stan peed all over the porch and I had to break Gran's screen door after I locked myself out. Oh, the joys of being a delinquent daughter-in-law! She still likes me somehow.... I made fajitas last night and put drugs in her guacamole. Sneaky, sneaky!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Elek will be TWO on October 6!!! He is growling like a jaguar (not to mention reaching, climbing, and jumping like a jaguar), and barking like a dog, and doing all sorts of funny animal things. The other day he was actually slithering on my bedroom floor. Okay, so it was more of a military crawl.... but I haven't seen anything remotely resembling that since he was forced to military crawl as his sole form of self-propelled transportation. He runs everywhere... and he somehow sat through my year-long (read: almost two hours) graduation ceremony with hardly a peep (lol.... totally lying). Okay..... he didn't cry. He did, however, growl like a jaguar, "mrow, mROWWWW!" at all other threatening forms of small human being. Like his mother, the boy doesn't like to share the spotlight. *sigh*
Elek is on YouTube... click the pic below:
So, yes, he is the light of my life and he loves his blanket :) How have ya'll been?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Subject: call me
call me now. i know you aren't in leprechaun-land anymore.
i will actually shit a gold coin if i don't talk to you before the wedding
as tempting as that must be, call me anyway :)
I've no privacy right now,
but I'll try to borrow my parents' cell phone sometime tomorrow...
in the meantime it's great you've learned a way to make some extra money!
Friday, February 22, 2008
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it~
Thursday, February 14, 2008
your face is on my pillow
your mind is what i am trying to achieve
deep and soulful contact.
I see your body,
yet it burns with fire and desire.
my own is craving the night
battling time and wishing
for you to be close.
Tu eres mi mente
Abierta y Honda
Despierta y en muchas formas
resembla el mar
en blanco y negro
de noche y de dia.
Tus holas caminan lentamente
por mi cuerpo
colores del piano ondulado
del mar .
Como te va mi amigo?
Delito de la noche
caminante de suenos calmantes
veo Soles en tu mundo
llamas altas y cresidas
memorias de una larga noche.
Adri (a dear friend of mine)
the cup is half full.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Never believe anyone who says we cannot change. Vision is one of the secrets of personal transformation. We are all artists, our mind is the arena of creation and vision is what we are constantly creating.
What is your vision of yourself today - patient, relaxed, positive or tense, tight and negative? What do you prefer? So be creative – what does patience look like, feel like, what are you doing that is different when you are patient and you are expressing your power to ...wait?
Always start with vision not action.
See it and you will be it.
Be it and you will do it.
~ Brahma Kumaris
we are all souls
some people remind you
age is just a number
some people remind you
we are never all alone
some people remind you
you're not the only one who thinks society is fucked up
some people remind you
how valuable a genuine smile is
some people remind you
the greatest things in life aren't things
some people remind you
that not everyone is a zombie
and you remind me
of all these things
you are that smile
you are the difference between firewood and a huge oak tree
you are the difference between a vase of roses and a field of wildflowers
you are alive
and you inspired me to write every word of this
you are very busy, dear one, even if you are still
because you are breaking hearts open and causing them to feel
and you are breaking minds open with your determination
and you are transcending every limit by existing in all of us
you may never understand how you glow
and that's okay
i send you my love, light, and the warmest of hugs
-i have written this for you, but this message is brought to you by the divine wisdom and knowledge that passes through each of us... this definitely applies to my mother... and to so many of you. i encourage all of you to break free of your bodies, lose your fear of death, and dare to truly love and in doing so, change the world.
i have dreamt several times of a sunset, much like the one below, and i know that death is a journey beyond the horizon of the sea. as we are further and further from the shore of this lifetime, we approach the limitless bounds of the universe (the ocean). take comfort in the fact that loved ones have made the voyage before you...
Friday, February 1, 2008
okay, so for interested parties, here is the diet. NO FOOD. NO CHEWING GUM. NOTHING. If you must chew on something I would recommend cinnamon toothpicks, but I didn't care to chew on anything... nor was I hungry at ALL. Very shocking. This does not mean you don't want food.... since when did anyone have to be hungry to want food?? exactly.
okay so, the night before you begin the fast, drink a poo tea... aka herbal laxative, main ingredient senna leaf... I got mine at Kroger: Laci LeBeau's Super Dieter's Tea or at Wild Oats there is an organic Smooth Moves chocolate tea.
Every Morning... beginning Day 1: The Infamous Salt Water Flush
32 oz. lukewarm purified water w/2 tsp. sea salt (non iodized... not Morton's table salt)
You need around two hours at home to let this kick in... I woke up at 4:30 the first day and went back to sleep until 6:30 when I crapped my brains out.
The Recipe for one day's magic lemonade
5 organic lemons- juiced
1 c. Grade B Maple syrup (I only found it at Wild Oats)
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
10 c. purified water
shake and enjoy!
you can have lemonade or water... that is ALL you can have
each night do the herbal poo tea
each morning do the salt water flush
do NOT do this more than ten days for your first cleanse
Thursday, January 31, 2008
i woke up still feeling absolutely F*cking HORRIBLE. The dead pig hand grenade within had not budged one millimeter.. so I did another Salt Water Flush and felt AMAZING afterward.
Okay, so I quit Master Cleansing on Day 4... which is to say... I did the Salt Water Flush... (more butt-pee-- that oddly resembled lemonade-- which made me think of all the hilarious but horrible things I could do to people I hate.... hee hee... "delicious filtered lemonade") so... me being retarded... I pooed my pants on day three.. wasn't sure if I ACTUALLY pooed my pants... so i smeared it on my face which CONFIRMED my suspicions... at least I was at home while I was TWENTY-SIX YEARS OLD AND SHITTING MY PANTS! and smearing it on my face!!!!! WTF?!?! I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for that one. I figure if I post it on my public blog it will somehow help. Megan? Sharona? Crystal? What say you?
I got really weak and a really bad headache and ate a salad as my act of surrendering to my body... the headache left immediately. I went to sleep happy and skinny. That was day four. Holy Crap... then day 5 ... I woke up and Salt Water Flushed.. ate one small biscuit ... I wasn't able to eat much at all. Then I made my world famous sausage and ground beef spaghetti since Peter was having major cravings. I ate one helping and woke up at 11 pm praying that my intestines weren't rupturing. The upper part of my stomach acted as if I drank a fifth of (INSERT CHEAP TEQUILA HERE) and immediately sent me running for the bathroom. Nothing happened other than insane nausea, sweating, and swollen face. My dinner would NOT go down my tummy. It was just sitting there like a freaking hand grenade of sausage spaghetti waiting to blow me to smithereens. Now, the really odd part about all of this is how NON-poo-centered this whole feeling was. It felt like my stomach had gotten really really really small.... then I ruptured it with my dead pig dinner.... then it tried to digest it... think of a snake swallowing a wooden chair... and then about five hours post eating my body was like... "that's it you stupid bitch.. get the dead pig OUTTA HERE!" so that would explain the near-puking reverse-swallowing feeling... but I have pretty much the most stubborn gag reflex of anyone I have EVER come across and I can't vomit or induce vomiting to save my life (literally). So I somehow slept through the night and was very surprised that I didn't wake up dead. Now, I can barely eat ANYTHING... I mean ANYTHING... and I'm vegetarian for the most part... I don't know if I will ever eat red meat again. My poor body and butthole hate me!!
I think I'm about 147-150 right now.... I'm not going to weigh myself until I feel even thinner since I just don't want to be obsessed with numbers, but I'm aiming for 135 lbs. for my wedding... I'm eating REALLY healthy.... bananas, salad, Naked Superfood drinks... and very small portions. So that's the update. COMMENT... I want to know what you think and/or would you ever try this??!?!?!?!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Outside the joy of chewing something, I still haven't been hungry. I'm pretty surprised that I haven't been hungry, considering it's almost 7 pm. People have lost up to 20 lbs in 10 days, which is disgusting, old, toxic fecal matter that is coating their intestines along with some water weight. Leia said that only one percent of her weight loss was water so I'm really hoping the SWF pushes some really old toxins out of my intestines/system. I also read online that 10 days is the optimal length for your first time doing the Master Cleanse. I am sitting in class, and it is hard to imagine that next week at this time I will still be fasting. I took a nap during Elek's nap time today which felt awesome after the workout. I feel like the mucus has finally significantly decreased. I will be interested to see if this weekend is easier or more difficult than during the week. I'm still taking the antibiotics for the ear infection and the pressure in my ears has greatly decreased. I slept with Peter last night(opposed to the four previous nights) and didn't disturb him at all. The lemonade is really not yummy, but as long as I keep my mind off food everything is great!
"failure is not an option."
"food will still be here in 8 days."
"my body is my slave"
"what can taste better than how great I will feel after this?"
"Failure is not an option."
I am very proud of myself for leaving my food addiction at the door today, and I won't let ANYTHING get in the way of this detoxification process.
So I woke up around 7, did a sinus rinse, and ate 1 1/2 mini bagels (a total of 150 calories). I got to the gym at 9 and did chest/abs and then stayed for yoga class until 10:15 am. On the way home I stopped at Chick-fil-A and got a 4pc Chicken Nugget Kids Meal for Elek and cookies-n-Cream Milkshake w/whipped cream & a cherry for me. I ate every bite and felt like a horrible piece of weak blob after finishing it.
I knew I had... or I should say.... I KNOW I HAVE given food too much control, and I am on a quest to regain control of my body and eating habits. I desperately need a physical & spiritual cleansing, and Leia (the yoga teacher) has lost 25 lbs. since last June by becoming a vegetarian and using the Master Cleanse as a detoxification fast. Other than that, I have no idea her personal dealings or constraints as far as Master Cleanse is concerned. Her skin looks great and she looks completely refreshed and glowing. I think I will e-mail her for pointers and/or support. I'm pretty sure I weigh about 160 lbs. right now, which is "normal" as far as BMI is concerned (the Body Mass Index for a female that's 5'7"), but the fact remains that I feel this addictive streak is incredibly destructive, and I need to get to the bottom of this issue and get a fresh, clean start. I want to do this until my tongue is pink again (a sign that I am cleansed thoroughly), but I can't promise more than 10 days. I am tired of thinking of myself as a weak food addict when I really want to treat my body as the beautiful temple that it truly is.
Mantras going into Master Cleanse:
"Failure is not an option."
"My body is my slave."
Things I hope to gain from Master Cleanse:
-I hope to rid my body of sickness, toxins, and meat.
-I hope to rid my body of addiction to sugar, caffeine, and meat.
-I hope to gain insight into WHY I find some of my self0worth in what I have eaten.
-I want to see what a CLEANSED me looks and feels like spiritually, mentally, and physically.
ALSO, I anticipate feeling amazing and proud of myself after having succeeded at cleansing my body.